Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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