All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize