honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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