The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
