If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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