I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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