Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
