There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
