it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
