Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
