my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
