Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
