Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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