You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
