Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
