hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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