why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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