he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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