Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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