i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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