So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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