Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
