There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
