Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
