I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
