Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Randomize