youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
