he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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