Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
