He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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