I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
