he wants to bone in the snuggie
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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