Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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