I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
