did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
