come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
FUCK WHALES
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize