Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
