I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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