Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
