You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
