I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
