White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We talked him into tasing himself.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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