trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
