I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
