Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
