I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
