so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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