i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
