I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
