She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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