you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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