I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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