They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
