I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
