You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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