we have pet lesbian snakes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize