He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
