I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
