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are you still at the devil's house?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
