Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
