Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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