Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
