weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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