One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's the barista slut.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
