he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
