In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
