I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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