You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
