I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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