by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
