physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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