yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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