wat bout pragnant strippers??
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
