Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Screwed.edu
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
